tHE pHReaKhEaD's Big-Ass List o' Yo Mama Jokes

Yo' momma's got eyes in her butt, talking about "D*mn, did you see that sh*t?!"
Yo' momma ain't got no fingers, talking about how she's pressing charges!
Yo' momma's got no left eye, and she's talkin' 'bout "Make this left!"
Yo' momma's got one leg, talkin' 'bout "Ain't no half steppin'!"
Yo' momma's got three fingers, talkin' 'bout "Gimme five!"
Yo' momma ain't got no arms, talkin' 'bout "I'm hangin' in there!"
Yo' momma ain't got no eyes, talkin' 'bout "I see what you mean!"
Yo' momma ain't got no ears, talkin' 'bout "I hear ya!"
Yo' momma ain't got no legs, talkin' 'bout how she's gonna run for president!
Yo' momma ain't got no legs, talkin' 'bout how she's running things!
Yo' momma's got no fingers talking 'bout wanting to be with the Pointer sisters!
Yo' momma's got no legs and always talking about how she kicks ass!
Yo' momma has one leg and says "I'll kick yo' ass!"
Yo' momma's got one ear, talking 'bout she wants to hear both sides of the story!
Yo' momma sits in a wheelchair and says "I ain't gonna stand for this!"
Yo' momma has no neck and says "I'm the head of this family!"
Yo' momma has an afro with a chin strap!
Yo' momma has a wooden afro with an 'X' carved in the back!
Yo' momma got a metal afro with rusty sideburns!
Yo' momma has a `fro with landing lights!
Yo' momma got two wooden legs and one is on backward!
Yo' momma got a wooden leg with a real foot!
Yo' momma's got a wooden leg with a kick stand and has to nail her stockings up!
Yo' momma got a wooden leg with branches!
Yo' momma has green hair and thinks she's a tree!
Yo' momma got a bald head with a part and sideburns!
Yo' momma has a glass eye with a fish in it!
Yo' momma got so many teeth missing it looks like her tongue is in jail!
Yo' momma has ten fingers - all on the same hand!
Yo' momma has four eyes and two pairs of sunglasses!
Yo' momma got three teeth...one in her mouth and two in her pocket!
Yo' momma's got one leg longer than other and they call her call her 'hip hop'!
Yo' momma's got one toe and one knee and they call her 'Tony'!
Yo' momma's got three toes and three knees and they call her 'Toni Tone Tony'!
Yo' momma's got one leg and people call her 'Ilene'!
Yo' momma's got one eye, one leg, one arm and one knee and they call her 'Uno'!
Yo' momma has one arm and when she fights, the announcer says, "She throws a right, a right, and another right!"
Yo' momma's has no ears... I seen her trying on sunglasses...!
Yo' momma's got a four dollar weave and don't know when to leave!
Yo' momma's got hair on her tongue and she gargles with curl activator!
Yo' momma's got more weave than a dog in traffic!
Yo' momma's got snake skin teeth!
Yo' momma has a short leg and walks in circles!
Yo' momma's hair is so short, when she braided it, they looked like stitches!
Yo' momma's hair is so short, she curls it with rice!
Yo' momma's hair is so nappy, she has to take Tylenol just to comb it!
Yo' momma's hair is so nappy, even Moses couldn't part it!
Yo' momma's hair is so nappy, her comb had to get dentures!
Yo' momma's hair is so nappy, when she combs her hair, her teeth bleed!
Yo' momma's hair has so much mousse in it, it could deflect bullets!
Yo' momma's so bald, even a wig wouldn't help!
Yo' momma's so bald, you can see what's on her mind!
Yo' momma's so bald, I can read her mind!
Yo' momma's so bald, she took a shower and got brainwashed!
Yo' momma's so bald, when she puts on a turtle neck, she looks like a roll on deodorant!
Yo' momma's so bald, when she goes to sleep, her head keeps slipping off the pillow!
Yo' momma's head is so small, she use a tea-bag as a pillow!
Yo' momma's head is so small, she got her ear pierced and died!
Yo' momma's head is so small, she could wear fruit loops as head rags!
Yo' momma's head is so big, it shows up on radar!
Yo' momma's head is so big she has to step into her shirts!
Yo' momma's head is so big, she has to wash her hair at Niagra Falls!
Yo' momma's forehead's so big, you could show slides on it!
Yo' momma's ears are so big, she drives the freeways by sonar!
Yo' momma's ears are so big, she can hear sign language!
Yo' momma's ears are so big, she can hear what I'm thinking!
Yo' momma has so much wax in her ears, I stuck a Q-Tip in and pulled out a crayon!
Yo' momma's lips are so big, ChapStick had to invent a spray!
Yo' momma's lips are so big, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
Yo' momma's lips are so big, when she smiles, her hair gets wet!
Yo' momma's lips are so big, she needs a kick stand to hold them up!
Yo' momma's mouth is so big, she speaks in surround sound!
Yo' momma's teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter!
Yo' momma's teeth are so yellow, she has to brush them with a butter knife!
Yo' momma's teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles!
Yo' momma's teeth are so yellow, when she closes her mouth, her stomach lights up!
Yo' momma's teeth are so yellow, when she drinks water, it turns into lemonade!
Yo' momma's teeth are so yellow, crows fly down and pick at them like it was corn!
Yo' momma's teeth are so yellow, Dorothy and Toto thought it was the Yellow Brick Road!
Yo' momma's teeth are so yellow, she's got more gold than Fort Knox!
Yo' momma's teeth are so yellow that when she used Aim, she missed!
Yo' momma's teeth are so rotten, when she smiles, they look like dice!
Yo' momma's teeth are so black, when she spits, she seals driveways!
Yo' momma's got so many gaps in her teeth, it looks like piano keys!
Yo' momma's teeth are so bad, it looks like her father was Mr. Ed!
Yo' momma's so toothless, when she couldn't eat an apple, she just gummed it to death!
Yo' momma's so bucktoothed, she can eat corn-on-the-cob through a picket fence!
Yo' momma's breath is so bad, when she yawns, her teeth duck!
Yo' momma's breath is so bad, when she talks, her nose hairs fall out!
Yo' momma's breath is so bad, people on the phone hang up!
Yo' momma's breath is so bad, her mouth needs odor eaters!
Yo' momma's breath is so bad, we don't know whether she needs gum or toilet paper!
Yo' momma's breath is so stank, Crest and Colgate got a warrant for her arrest!
Yo' momma's breath's so bad, 9 out of 10 dentists recommend that she rinse with Summer's Eve!
Yo' momma's breath's so bad, when she wakes up in the morning, the mirror brushes its teeth!
Yo' momma's house is so nasty, even the cockroaches wear slippers!
Yo' momma's house is so dusty, the roaches ride around on dune buggies!
Yo' momma's house is so small, the roaches got hunchback!
Yo' momma's house is so nasty, I tripped over a rat, and a cockroach stole my wallet!
Yo' momma's house has roaches so big, the termites have to carry switchblades!
Yo' momma's house is so small, I walked in the front door and tripped over the back fence!
Yo' momma's house is so small, if I stuck a key in the door, I'd stab three people!
Yo' momma's house is so small, I put a key in the door lock and broke a window!
Yo' momma's house is so small, the welcome mat just says wel...!
Yo' momma's house is so poor, they tore it down and put up a slum!
Yo' momma's house is so small, she dropped a washcloth and you had instant carpeting!
Yo' momma's so wrinkled, you can find loose change in her skin!
Yo' momma's so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on!
Yo' momma's glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map, she can see people waving!
Yo' momma's glasses are so thick, she could read my mind!
Yo' momma's so blind, she dropped a dime and picked up two nickels!
Yo' momma's blind and seeing another man!
Yo' momma's so blind, she has one of her eyes stuck up her ass and she still can't see shit!
Yo' momma's so cross-eyed, she watches TV in stereo!
Yo' momma's so cross-eyed, she thought her only child was a twin!
Yo' momma's nose is so big, she makes Pinocchio look like a cat!
Yo' momma's nose is so big, she needs a screen on it to keep from sucking small children in!
Yo' momma's feet are so big, she was the landlord of the old woman who lived in a shoe!
Yo' momma's feet are so big, Bozo's envious!
Yo' momma's feet are so big, her shoes gotta have license plates on 'em!
Yo' momma's feet are so nasty, when she wants jam, she gets someone to run a loaf of bread between her toes!
Yo' momma's feet are so ashy, it looks like she kicks flour for a living!
Yo' momma's butt is so big, she has to shit in a dumpster!
Yo' momma's butt is so big, she has more crack than New Jersey!
Yo' momma's so tall, she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth!
Yo' momma's so tall, she did a push-up and burned her back on the sun!
Yo' momma's so flat, she's the only woman in the world with two backs!
Yo' momma's so flat, she's jealous of the wall!
Yo' momma's so hunchbacked, she has to look up to tie her shoes!
Yo' momma's so hunchbacked, she has to wear goggles to wash dishes!
Yo' momma's so fat and her back so crooked, when she lays down, people say "I didn't know we had mountains!"
Yo' momma is so bad, when she got called for jury duty, she was found guilty!
Yo' momma's so mean, she got yo' papa pregnant!
Yo' momma's so grouchy, the McDonald's she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals!
Yo' momma's middle name is Rambo!
Yo' momma's twice the man you are!
Yo' momma threw a frisbee three weeks ago that hasn't landed yet!
Yo' momma, 'nuff said!
Yo' momma talks on the phone so much, it's even busy when I dial the wrong number!
Yo' momma's arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear!
Yo' momma's so lazy, she thinks a two-income family is where yo' daddy has two jobs!
Yo' momma's so weak, she had to fight the current in the bath tub!
Yo' momma's so light-headed, when she jumps out of a window, she falls UP!
Yo' momma's so slutty, she heard Santa say "Ho Ho Ho" and thought she was getting called three times!
Yo' momma's breasts are so square, the milk comes out in cartons!
I was walking down the street with yo' momma and they started shooting - they said 'hit the dirt', and everyone jumped on yo' momma's back!
Yo' momma's car's so ugly, someone broke in just to steal The Club!
Yo' momma's maxi pad is so thick, she could bend over and deflect bullets!
Yo' momma's so greedy, when she wakes up in the morning, she looks under her bed to see if she lost any sleep!
Yo' momma's such an alcoholic, in college, her major was Old English, room 800!
Yo' daddy's like cement, takes him two days to get hard!
Yo' daddy's so fat, even his dick has rolls!
Yo' daddy's d*ck is so small, he makes yo' momma look hung!
Yo' daddy's d*ck is so small, he'd been f*cking yo' momma for an hour and she asked if it was in yet.
Yo' daddy has to stick his d*ck in the freezer to get hard!
Yo' daddy suffers from d*ck-do disease...his stomach hangs out farther than his d*ck do!
Yo' daddy's like an arcade game, give him a quarter, and you can play with his joystick!
Yo' daddy's so lame, when his wife says, "Give me ten inches and make it hurt!" he does her three times and puts a vice on her head!
Yo' daddy's so ugly, his own hand turns him down!
Yo' daddy's so ugly, that's not a receding hair line, that's his hair running away from his face!
Yo' momma's mass is so infinite that she's a singularity!
Yo' momma's wave function is so chaotic, she's uncertain even after it collapses!
Yo' momma's so old and so fat that Ulysses crawled up her butt with twenty soldiers and jumped out once inside Troy!
Yo' momma's brain is so small, quarks beat up on it!
Yo' momma's mass is so great that she has her own event horizon!