tHE pHReaKhEaD's Dumb-Blonde Jokes (Aren't they all?)
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Q: Why did the blonde have square tits?
A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
Did you hear about the blonde that invented the solar flashlight?
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.
Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
A blonde saw a "¿" on her computer screen and asked another blonde,
"How do you do that?" She responded . . .
"Simple, turn the keyboard upside down!"
Q: Why is a blonde like a hardware store?
A: They are both 10¢ a screw!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme!
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?
A: Nothing. They've never met.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.
Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings?
A: To put their feet through.
Q: What's a brunette's mating call?
A: "All the blondes have gone home!"
Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces him/her self.
A2: Walks home.
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.
Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles" referred to her ears?
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
A: The prostitute says, "Aren't you done yet?"
The nympho says, "Are you done already?"
The blonde says, "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.
Q: What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men.
A: Their heels.
Confucius say; blonde who fly upside down have crack up.
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
Q: Why do blondes have vaginas?
A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the slogan "Billions Served - just today"
Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello?
A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A wine cellar.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
A3: Two...one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?
A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: Why don't blondes breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
A: From eating with forks.
Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: Reservations.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: What is the difference between blondes and peanut butter?
A: Peanut butter is a pleasure to spread on bread and a blonde spreads for pleasure on a bed.
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.
Q: Why do blondes wear ponytails?
A: To hide the valve stem!
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
A: Air Pockets
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: The mosquito stops sucking after you smack it.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says,
1. "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"
2. "Good thing that cows don't fly."
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it." I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been sighted.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a volkswagon?
A: FarFromThinking
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an "F" in sex.
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home. On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
The Unites States goverment has isued a recall on all cars and trucks that have a headlight dimmer switch on the turn signal switch. The purpous for this is to cut the traffic accidents at night by 90%. Appearantly that the 90% that they plan to cut is from blonds, because they keep getting thier foot stuck in the sterring wheel.
Q: Why can't a blonde get a drivers licence?
A: Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?"
"He was on top ", she replied.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears.
"What's the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....
Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
